Biologically 26 but physically ?

Title of this blog might seem very strange and might even you perplex to an extent that you might think the writer is probably crazy. Actually I am not and I am probably more happier and saner than I was ever in my life. I am woman and today I feel I am complete. Yes, I am going to be a mother. The feeling that I am going through is the most elated, jubilant, and every adjective in the dictionary for complete bliss. But at the same time I am regular 26 year old who wants to enjoy life and celebrate the fact of being young. I want to tame the adventurer inside me who wants to jump off a plane and glide like bird, who wants to go hike the Yosemite mountains. I want to quench the craziness inside me by hanging out in a club or go have a drink with friends. I want to let out the fitness freak inside me, who used to run for 10 miles a week for that perfect body I always wanted. But, my life has suddenly changed, chicken curry grosses me out, fat has started to accumulate around as if it were a life saver. Clothes that fit me perfectly make me feel that they might puncture some vital organ inside me. My love of green tea has been replaced by V8 juice. Google search is my new best friend as I am hardly able to concentrate on stuff normal people do.

Thoughts always run faster than actions true at least for me, with all these thought suffusing me to an extent that they might smother me, I talked Hari into going downtown in one of the clubs we enjoy the most. Once inside the club, I saw someone lite a cigarette near me, I immediately told my husband lets go downstairs where there is more room and probably some air might circulate. My fate was in ill luck, whole bunch around me were puffing smoke around me. I remembered the google searches that educated as to how bad passive smoking was to the baby growing inside me. My heart sank, I wanted to dance and have fun.. but couldn't get the idea out of my head that probably my little kid is unable to breathe may be it is choking inside me telling me.. "Mommy please help me here". I decided to walk out of the club and said to myself I won't be able to come here at least for the next one year. But its ok, this is my child and I can do anything for it. Ultimately my motherhood won over youth and while we were on way back my husband clasped my hand hard and told me "this is not the end". I know its not the end but the begining of loving someone who is a part of me with every single beat of my heart.