As I walk or rather wobble towards the final stages of my pregnancy and step into the mystical world of motherhood, I feel more nervous and tensed than ever. I successfully steered through the 38 weeks of pregnancy with no major issue than a rather nasty tooth ache I can say that I truly enjoyed my pregnancy. I am not sure of what my new born will look like or what he/she will be like, what will be its dislikes, what will be its personality, what kind of values should we as parents pass on. Its all seems such a mystery I am not sure if every mother to be goes through all the same questions as I am. Everyone around me tells me that you will learn and become better and how can I trust myself with such a tiny, innocent being in my hands. What if I hurt it in anyway the whole feeling of responsibility kind of suffuses me.
I spend hours away from my favorite financial market news reading and loading myself with all the information that I can abut new born care trying to make myself theoretically perfect (at which Indians are greatly skilled), trying to super clean the house and laundry all the baby clothes in an effort to make my little ones entry into the world germ free. Spending hours trying to deck up the nursery even though it might not know what color its looking at. Feeling of becoming a mother and whole act of responsibility has literally taken over me.
Beside that the fear of going through labor (I am sure they call that for a reason) unsure of what my experience will be like. There is no plan B, my little treasure who has be has been preparing and rehearsing all the while will steer the entire plan. I fear that my husband, the person whom I love the most might become my second priority, if I will ever be able to spend or enjoy each others company without any worry in the back of our minds. I fear the postpartum period, fear of not being able to lose the pounds and pounds of baby fat I have been packing of without any guilt. I fear if the carefree life we spend right now might run away from us forever.
We are filled with hope , jubilation, frustration, fear as we walk towards yet another phase of our journey together, from friends to significant others to husband and wife and now parents. Wish us luck!!!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Biologically 26 but physically ?
Title of this blog might seem very strange and might even you perplex to an extent that you might think the writer is probably crazy. Actually I am not and I am probably more happier and saner than I was ever in my life. I am woman and today I feel I am complete. Yes, I am going to be a mother. The feeling that I am going through is the most elated, jubilant, and every adjective in the dictionary for complete bliss. But at the same time I am regular 26 year old who wants to enjoy life and celebrate the fact of being young. I want to tame the adventurer inside me who wants to jump off a plane and glide like bird, who wants to go hike the Yosemite mountains. I want to quench the craziness inside me by hanging out in a club or go have a drink with friends. I want to let out the fitness freak inside me, who used to run for 10 miles a week for that perfect body I always wanted. But, my life has suddenly changed, chicken curry grosses me out, fat has started to accumulate around as if it were a life saver. Clothes that fit me perfectly make me feel that they might puncture some vital organ inside me. My love of green tea has been replaced by V8 juice. Google search is my new best friend as I am hardly able to concentrate on stuff normal people do.
Thoughts always run faster than actions true at least for me, with all these thought suffusing me to an extent that they might smother me, I talked Hari into going downtown in one of the clubs we enjoy the most. Once inside the club, I saw someone lite a cigarette near me, I immediately told my husband lets go downstairs where there is more room and probably some air might circulate. My fate was in ill luck, whole bunch around me were puffing smoke around me. I remembered the google searches that educated as to how bad passive smoking was to the baby growing inside me. My heart sank, I wanted to dance and have fun.. but couldn't get the idea out of my head that probably my little kid is unable to breathe may be it is choking inside me telling me.. "Mommy please help me here". I decided to walk out of the club and said to myself I won't be able to come here at least for the next one year. But its ok, this is my child and I can do anything for it. Ultimately my motherhood won over youth and while we were on way back my husband clasped my hand hard and told me "this is not the end". I know its not the end but the begining of loving someone who is a part of me with every single beat of my heart.
Thoughts always run faster than actions true at least for me, with all these thought suffusing me to an extent that they might smother me, I talked Hari into going downtown in one of the clubs we enjoy the most. Once inside the club, I saw someone lite a cigarette near me, I immediately told my husband lets go downstairs where there is more room and probably some air might circulate. My fate was in ill luck, whole bunch around me were puffing smoke around me. I remembered the google searches that educated as to how bad passive smoking was to the baby growing inside me. My heart sank, I wanted to dance and have fun.. but couldn't get the idea out of my head that probably my little kid is unable to breathe may be it is choking inside me telling me.. "Mommy please help me here". I decided to walk out of the club and said to myself I won't be able to come here at least for the next one year. But its ok, this is my child and I can do anything for it. Ultimately my motherhood won over youth and while we were on way back my husband clasped my hand hard and told me "this is not the end". I know its not the end but the begining of loving someone who is a part of me with every single beat of my heart.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Follow up to the previous blog- Married Bachelorette
Blame your hubby for all that extra housework
For married women who can't figure out why they always have so much housework researchers may have the answer — husbands. A new study from the University of Michigan shows that having a husband creates extra seven hours of extra housework a week for women.
But a wife saves her husband from an hour of chores around the house each week. "It's a well-known pattern. There's still a significant reallocation of labour that occurs at marriage — men tend to work more outside the home, while women take on more of the household labor," said Frank Stafford, of the university's Institute for Social Research (ISR), who directed the study.
"And the situation gets worse for women when they have children," he added in a statement.
Stafford's findings are based on 2005 time-diary data from a study on income dynamics that has been conducted since 1968 at ISR.
The researchers studied diaries to assess how people spent their time and questioned men and women about how much time they spend cooking, cleaning and doing basic work around the house.
They found that young single women did the least amount of housework, at about 12 hours a week. Married women in their 60 and 70s did nearly twice that amount, while women with more than three children spent 28 hours a week cleaning, cooking and washing.
But it's not as bad as it used to be. In 1976 women did an average of 26 hours of housework a week, while men did about six, according to the study.
Excerpt from ibnlive.com- Lifestyle section
Here is the original link http://www.ibnlive.com/business/index.html
For married women who can't figure out why they always have so much housework researchers may have the answer — husbands. A new study from the University of Michigan shows that having a husband creates extra seven hours of extra housework a week for women.
But a wife saves her husband from an hour of chores around the house each week. "It's a well-known pattern. There's still a significant reallocation of labour that occurs at marriage — men tend to work more outside the home, while women take on more of the household labor," said Frank Stafford, of the university's Institute for Social Research (ISR), who directed the study.
"And the situation gets worse for women when they have children," he added in a statement.
Stafford's findings are based on 2005 time-diary data from a study on income dynamics that has been conducted since 1968 at ISR.
The researchers studied diaries to assess how people spent their time and questioned men and women about how much time they spend cooking, cleaning and doing basic work around the house.
They found that young single women did the least amount of housework, at about 12 hours a week. Married women in their 60 and 70s did nearly twice that amount, while women with more than three children spent 28 hours a week cleaning, cooking and washing.
But it's not as bad as it used to be. In 1976 women did an average of 26 hours of housework a week, while men did about six, according to the study.
Excerpt from ibnlive.com- Lifestyle section
Here is the original link http://www.ibnlive.com/business/index.html
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Well ofcourse dear.. I have after shave lotion.
I have always failed to understand the affinity of men towards after shave lotions. May be because ever since they are introduced to the world of "Men" an after shave lotion becomes their best friend. Or may be because they watched their fathers use a lotion day after day and waited for the time when they can start using it. What ever the reason I don't get it when they can't limit the usage to what its very name suggests. The concept of replacing an "after shave lotion" to an antiseptic is something that still baffles me to an extent that it sometimes drives me insane.
When I was in primary school every time I came back home with a bruise or a wound, my father would pull out the gleaming white bottle of "Old Spice" after shave lotion and rub it all over me. I hated that smell and hated the concept using it for my bruises. And to top it all the burning sensation the damn thing causes is indeed very painful.
My heart used to pound out of fear when I used to watch my father take out his old spice from the highest level of the closet.My father being the tallest person in the house , in fact the tallest I had known before I met Hari made sure that his stuff was at the top most level of the closet, never knew the concept behind it, but guess he made sure we keep ours hands off his stuff. Well, years after years after shave lotion in my house was replaced to the use of an antiseptic cream. Well what can I say.
Fifteen years later I am now married. Recently I cut my finger in the kitchen and Lo behold what do I see again.. yes of course "After shave Lotion". Damn... man what was the affiliation between it and I. Why do my wounds and it go hand in hand .. is it me or is it the men who are part of my life. Only this time it looked a bit different it is now in a clear bottle and is now colored green. The brand changed from "Old Spice" to "Kenneth Cole", yet fulfilled its duty of an antiseptic cream. My anger knew no limits , no way is that thing getting on my cut. But situation was again the same, I was wounded and couldn't fight back. Hari succeeded in applying it on my wound. He looked so happy and contented , even told me a story of how once his razor cut had gone so bad just cos he didn't the lotion. Dood .. back off that was a razor cut , not all cuts are razor cuts. Anyway I can go on and on this..I don't know if all men are like this or just the men I know are.
When I was in primary school every time I came back home with a bruise or a wound, my father would pull out the gleaming white bottle of "Old Spice" after shave lotion and rub it all over me. I hated that smell and hated the concept using it for my bruises. And to top it all the burning sensation the damn thing causes is indeed very painful.
My heart used to pound out of fear when I used to watch my father take out his old spice from the highest level of the closet.My father being the tallest person in the house , in fact the tallest I had known before I met Hari made sure that his stuff was at the top most level of the closet, never knew the concept behind it, but guess he made sure we keep ours hands off his stuff. Well, years after years after shave lotion in my house was replaced to the use of an antiseptic cream. Well what can I say.
Fifteen years later I am now married. Recently I cut my finger in the kitchen and Lo behold what do I see again.. yes of course "After shave Lotion". Damn... man what was the affiliation between it and I. Why do my wounds and it go hand in hand .. is it me or is it the men who are part of my life. Only this time it looked a bit different it is now in a clear bottle and is now colored green. The brand changed from "Old Spice" to "Kenneth Cole", yet fulfilled its duty of an antiseptic cream. My anger knew no limits , no way is that thing getting on my cut. But situation was again the same, I was wounded and couldn't fight back. Hari succeeded in applying it on my wound. He looked so happy and contented , even told me a story of how once his razor cut had gone so bad just cos he didn't the lotion. Dood .. back off that was a razor cut , not all cuts are razor cuts. Anyway I can go on and on this..I don't know if all men are like this or just the men I know are.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Walk by faith, not by sight
Walk by faith, not by sight
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of Passage? His
Father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone. He is
Required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold
Until the rays of the morning sun shine through it. He cannot cry out for
Help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must come
Into manhood on his own. The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all
Kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some
Human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his
Stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the
Only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his
Blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump
Next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from
Harm. We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, God is watching
Over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to
Do is reach out to Him. If you liked this story, pass it on. If not, you
Took off your blindfold before dawn.
Moral of the story: Just because you can't see God, doesn't mean He is not
There. "For we walk by faith, not by sight."
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of Passage? His
Father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone. He is
Required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold
Until the rays of the morning sun shine through it. He cannot cry out for
Help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must come
Into manhood on his own. The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all
Kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some
Human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his
Stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the
Only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his
Blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump
Next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from
Harm. We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, God is watching
Over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to
Do is reach out to Him. If you liked this story, pass it on. If not, you
Took off your blindfold before dawn.
Moral of the story: Just because you can't see God, doesn't mean He is not
There. "For we walk by faith, not by sight."
Friday, February 8, 2008
Are you a pariah??
I never outwardly portray my religious sentiments may be because I have led myself to fall into troubles like making the entire school "HATE" me. Yeah that is right.Read on to know how.
I went to a missionary school and I strongly believe that reason why I have certain principles in my life is mostly because of the environment I grew in and my school played the biggest part in it. Well, when I was grade X we had a priest come over to our school and tried to explain to us the greatness of the religion he dedicated his life to. So far so good, I didn't see it coming but he started talking about how believing in his Prophet is the only way to salvation and subsequently visualize The Almighty. Well, while discussion went on for quite sometime. Anyone who knows me right now well, knows me for my sometimes arrogant self( give me some credit for accepting it), and slightly over confident nature 11 years after that incident. We are talking about a time when the word "slightly" in my slightly over confident nature can be replaced "extremely". So there I was standing in front of some 100 odd students and 15 teachers , school Principal trying to argue out the guy on why he thinks so. I didn't realise then what a bold step it was that cost me quite a lot.
I even went forward to tell him what I believed in and how I thought that will help me reach the Almighty much to the dismay of many people watching me. Well, what can I say I am what I am.
9 years later, there was this guy I used to work with, staunch believer. I never involved myself into discussions after that not so nice incident I heard this guy talking to few other people and was kinda giving a sense of daring me in. Well, as expected I got into a "religious" argument. Not defaming one mind you: just a defending one. While I talking vehemently, I felt a pat on my back, it was my boss. His facial expression suggested me to zip it up. So I did.
Not very long after that, when I was buried in my own world of programing defects running from cubicle to cubicle just to fight off the list of tickets(this is how people notify you and keep track of any defects in the application) opened on my name. I had to stop by a certain desk, when I let person work on the what I wanted to be checked, my eyes wandered onto a little poster that was pinned on the cubicle.Which goes something like below
It showed two devils in hell watching a funny looking guy smiling and whistling in the midst of the fire and brimstone. One devil says, "You know, we’re just not reaching that guy."
I am quite dumb at analysing few things may be because I think too fast or think about many things at one time. What ever the reason ; as always I failed to get the meaning. So, the person asks; ain't it funny
Me: Well.. didn't quite understand what it means.
Person: It means some people who are not influenced by anything etc..
As I was trying to comprehend the meaning of the cartoon, there it was thrown at me which hit me harder than a blot stone. "Actually its trying make fun of pariahs". Person :"Are you a pariah";
Me: "ya right hell no"
Person: "Are you a Jew"
Me : No
Person: "Are you a Muslim"
Me: No
Person: "are you a Christian"
Me: No. I was getting really irritated by the stream of questions being thrown a me. I could sense me bursting out anytime.
Person: "Well, then you are pariah"
Whhaaaaaaaaaaaaaat .. what the hell did you say. My face clearly showed that anger that was bursting inside me. Wanted to hurl some books at him and tell "Dude our faith existed even before yours was even forming".
Me: "Well I don't think I am. And I don't think I need to get into that discussion with you"
I had material and mettle to talk back and show him his ignorance. But for some reason partly because of my past experiences or maybe because I was completely disturbed by his words, I chose to just walk away. Few days after that I walked by the persons desk and didn't see that cartoon pinned on the cube anymore. I don't know what made the person remove it; was it my anguish or was it because the person did some research or was it because the person didn't want to get into conflicts with a co worker. I don't know.
I went to a missionary school and I strongly believe that reason why I have certain principles in my life is mostly because of the environment I grew in and my school played the biggest part in it. Well, when I was grade X we had a priest come over to our school and tried to explain to us the greatness of the religion he dedicated his life to. So far so good, I didn't see it coming but he started talking about how believing in his Prophet is the only way to salvation and subsequently visualize The Almighty. Well, while discussion went on for quite sometime. Anyone who knows me right now well, knows me for my sometimes arrogant self( give me some credit for accepting it), and slightly over confident nature 11 years after that incident. We are talking about a time when the word "slightly" in my slightly over confident nature can be replaced "extremely". So there I was standing in front of some 100 odd students and 15 teachers , school Principal trying to argue out the guy on why he thinks so. I didn't realise then what a bold step it was that cost me quite a lot.
I even went forward to tell him what I believed in and how I thought that will help me reach the Almighty much to the dismay of many people watching me. Well, what can I say I am what I am.
9 years later, there was this guy I used to work with, staunch believer. I never involved myself into discussions after that not so nice incident I heard this guy talking to few other people and was kinda giving a sense of daring me in. Well, as expected I got into a "religious" argument. Not defaming one mind you: just a defending one. While I talking vehemently, I felt a pat on my back, it was my boss. His facial expression suggested me to zip it up. So I did.
Not very long after that, when I was buried in my own world of programing defects running from cubicle to cubicle just to fight off the list of tickets(this is how people notify you and keep track of any defects in the application) opened on my name. I had to stop by a certain desk, when I let person work on the what I wanted to be checked, my eyes wandered onto a little poster that was pinned on the cubicle.Which goes something like below
It showed two devils in hell watching a funny looking guy smiling and whistling in the midst of the fire and brimstone. One devil says, "You know, we’re just not reaching that guy."
I am quite dumb at analysing few things may be because I think too fast or think about many things at one time. What ever the reason ; as always I failed to get the meaning. So, the person asks; ain't it funny
Me: Well.. didn't quite understand what it means.
Person: It means some people who are not influenced by anything etc..
As I was trying to comprehend the meaning of the cartoon, there it was thrown at me which hit me harder than a blot stone. "Actually its trying make fun of pariahs". Person :"Are you a pariah";
Me: "ya right hell no"
Person: "Are you a Jew"
Me : No
Person: "Are you a Muslim"
Me: No
Person: "are you a Christian"
Me: No. I was getting really irritated by the stream of questions being thrown a me. I could sense me bursting out anytime.
Person: "Well, then you are pariah"
Whhaaaaaaaaaaaaaat .. what the hell did you say. My face clearly showed that anger that was bursting inside me. Wanted to hurl some books at him and tell "Dude our faith existed even before yours was even forming".
Me: "Well I don't think I am. And I don't think I need to get into that discussion with you"
I had material and mettle to talk back and show him his ignorance. But for some reason partly because of my past experiences or maybe because I was completely disturbed by his words, I chose to just walk away. Few days after that I walked by the persons desk and didn't see that cartoon pinned on the cube anymore. I don't know what made the person remove it; was it my anguish or was it because the person did some research or was it because the person didn't want to get into conflicts with a co worker. I don't know.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Was it vanity or was it a Giant Attack
What a game was it last night, though I am not great authority of this game I decided to blog about the one of the best upsets of super bowl history and engineered by none other than Eli Manning. Who in spite of all the criticism he's always been subjected to emerged a winner. Pats as they walked in probably foresaw an easy victory being 17 point favorite there were no questions about that. But last night even the shrewd mind of Pats coach’s couldn't bail them out. Brady was running hither thither trying to avoid the influx of the giants defense team. Tom Brady who can be considered one of the best ever was having one of his worst nightmares, walking into a game which he and even I though will be an easy win. Being his unusual self he was throwing the football into places where it doesn’t belong to, retorting his team mates. He was devastated in midst of something that he couldn't accept. Was it vanity or was it being faced by some great defense that led to his season high of 5 sacks. The NY giants put up great play no one can take it away from them. It was absolutely stunning performance.
Especially when Eli Manning wriggled like a worm and fought his way out of what could have been a possible sack and made a great throw that led to the first down. What a game was it. Anyway I leave up to you to decide the title of this blog.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Mirror Mirror on the Wall Who is Fairest of us All..
How many of us can actually deny the fact that we haven't given a second glance to a good looking person. I mean honestly who doesn't really wants to look glamorous and sexy. When I went to India recently, I see this ridiculous ad where the girl goes to check out her future husband (in India its usually the other way round), thanks to the fairness cream, she gets to make a choice now. I didn't know how to react this kind of promotion of a fairness cream. This doesn't stop here , another brand shows this guy who gets shunned by a girl because of his looks and then turns to the brand's cream only to emerge "fair and handsome" and finally to turn her down. I turn around to see my 8yr old niece all dressed up and shouting back me "I look fairer than you". Very recently one of my friends had a baby boy..and when she sends the pictures, I see emails back to her saying how fair the baby was and in turn how good he looked. Man!!! why are looks when coupled with lighter skin tone labeled good looking.
Personally, I do think I did pretty good academically and socially in my high school and college, but the huge irony is today people recall me connected to the prettiest Ahem!! the girl with the lightest skin color in class, it is indeed a matter of great discomfort when someone messages you and says "Oh you were in HER batch". I can understand why looks stand out as a very important factor in peoples lives. I have seen people be in positions where they couldn't have otherwise just because of their looks after all its just human psychology. Personally I am guilty of this too, my mother keeps yelling at me from time to time.. "Move out of Florida for heavens sake, you look like you are from AFRICA". On my recent trip to India, my neighbor walks up to me and is like "Enti ela padaipoyyavu" (Literal translation English it means.. "How come you are so messed up". Before my brain let thoughts that were churning in my head turned to words my mother stumbled out to say.. "Oh they went to a desert for vacation, can you imagine how hot it gets back there" Phew!!! thanks mom.
Its funny when it stops here. The arranged marriage system in India which according to me is some where in between a bane and a boon. I have seen friends depressed about that whole thing. Also how they would lose good proposals because of their dark skin. Its so hard for me to digest that something as simple and as natural as your skin color can weigh so much that you spend your entire adult life trying to carry it.
Personally, I do think I did pretty good academically and socially in my high school and college, but the huge irony is today people recall me connected to the prettiest Ahem!! the girl with the lightest skin color in class, it is indeed a matter of great discomfort when someone messages you and says "Oh you were in HER batch". I can understand why looks stand out as a very important factor in peoples lives. I have seen people be in positions where they couldn't have otherwise just because of their looks after all its just human psychology. Personally I am guilty of this too, my mother keeps yelling at me from time to time.. "Move out of Florida for heavens sake, you look like you are from AFRICA". On my recent trip to India, my neighbor walks up to me and is like "Enti ela padaipoyyavu" (Literal translation English it means.. "How come you are so messed up". Before my brain let thoughts that were churning in my head turned to words my mother stumbled out to say.. "Oh they went to a desert for vacation, can you imagine how hot it gets back there" Phew!!! thanks mom.
Its funny when it stops here. The arranged marriage system in India which according to me is some where in between a bane and a boon. I have seen friends depressed about that whole thing. Also how they would lose good proposals because of their dark skin. Its so hard for me to digest that something as simple and as natural as your skin color can weigh so much that you spend your entire adult life trying to carry it.
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