Are you a pariah??

I never outwardly portray my religious sentiments may be because I have led myself to fall into troubles like making the entire school "HATE" me. Yeah that is right.Read on to know how.

I went to a missionary school and I strongly believe that reason why I have certain principles in my life is mostly because of the environment I grew in and my school played the biggest part in it. Well, when I was grade X we had a priest come over to our school and tried to explain to us the greatness of the religion he dedicated his life to. So far so good, I didn't see it coming but he started talking about how believing in his Prophet is the only way to salvation and subsequently visualize The Almighty. Well, while discussion went on for quite sometime. Anyone who knows me right now well, knows me for my sometimes arrogant self( give me some credit for accepting it), and slightly over confident nature 11 years after that incident. We are talking about a time when the word "slightly" in my slightly over confident nature can be replaced "extremely". So there I was standing in front of some 100 odd students and 15 teachers , school Principal trying to argue out the guy on why he thinks so. I didn't realise then what a bold step it was that cost me quite a lot.
I even went forward to tell him what I believed in and how I thought that will help me reach the Almighty much to the dismay of many people watching me. Well, what can I say I am what I am.

9 years later, there was this guy I used to work with, staunch believer. I never involved myself into discussions after that not so nice incident I heard this guy talking to few other people and was kinda giving a sense of daring me in. Well, as expected I got into a "religious" argument. Not defaming one mind you: just a defending one. While I talking vehemently, I felt a pat on my back, it was my boss. His facial expression suggested me to zip it up. So I did.

Not very long after that, when I was buried in my own world of programing defects running from cubicle to cubicle just to fight off the list of tickets(this is how people notify you and keep track of any defects in the application) opened on my name. I had to stop by a certain desk, when I let person work on the what I wanted to be checked, my eyes wandered onto a little poster that was pinned on the cubicle.Which goes something like below

It showed two devils in hell watching a funny looking guy smiling and whistling in the midst of the fire and brimstone. One devil says, "You know, we’re just not reaching that guy."

I am quite dumb at analysing few things may be because I think too fast or think about many things at one time. What ever the reason ; as always I failed to get the meaning. So, the person asks; ain't it funny
Me: Well.. didn't quite understand what it means.
Person: It means some people who are not influenced by anything etc..
As I was trying to comprehend the meaning of the cartoon, there it was thrown at me which hit me harder than a blot stone. "Actually its trying make fun of pariahs". Person :"Are you a pariah";
Me: "ya right hell no"
Person: "Are you a Jew"
Me : No
Person: "Are you a Muslim"
Me: No
Person: "are you a Christian"
Me: No. I was getting really irritated by the stream of questions being thrown a me. I could sense me bursting out anytime.
Person: "Well, then you are pariah"

Whhaaaaaaaaaaaaaat .. what the hell did you say. My face clearly showed that anger that was bursting inside me. Wanted to hurl some books at him and tell "Dude our faith existed even before yours was even forming".
Me: "Well I don't think I am. And I don't think I need to get into that discussion with you"

I had material and mettle to talk back and show him his ignorance. But for some reason partly because of my past experiences or maybe because I was completely disturbed by his words, I chose to just walk away. Few days after that I walked by the persons desk and didn't see that cartoon pinned on the cube anymore. I don't know what made the person remove it; was it my anguish or was it because the person did some research or was it because the person didn't want to get into conflicts with a co worker. I don't know.

Was it vanity or was it a Giant Attack

What a game was it last night, though I am not great authority of this game I decided to blog about the one of the best upsets of super bowl history and engineered by none other than Eli Manning. Who in spite of all the criticism he's always been subjected to emerged a winner. Pats as they walked in probably foresaw an easy victory being 17 point favorite there were no questions about that. But last night even the shrewd mind of Pats coach’s couldn't bail them out. Brady was running hither thither trying to avoid the influx of the giants defense team. Tom Brady who can be considered one of the best ever was having one of his worst nightmares, walking into a game which he and even I though will be an easy win. Being his unusual self he was throwing the football into places where it doesn’t belong to, retorting his team mates. He was devastated in midst of something that he couldn't accept. Was it vanity or was it being faced by some great defense that led to his season high of 5 sacks. The NY giants put up great play no one can take it away from them. It was absolutely stunning performance.

Especially when Eli Manning wriggled like a worm and fought his way out of what could have been a possible sack and made a great throw that led to the first down. What a game was it. Anyway I leave up to you to decide the title of this blog.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall Who is Fairest of us All..

How many of us can actually deny the fact that we haven't given a second glance to a good looking person. I mean honestly who doesn't really wants to look glamorous and sexy. When I went to India recently, I see this ridiculous ad where the girl goes to check out her future husband (in India its usually the other way round), thanks to the fairness cream, she gets to make a choice now. I didn't know how to react this kind of promotion of a fairness cream. This doesn't stop here , another brand shows this guy who gets shunned by a girl because of his looks and then turns to the brand's cream only to emerge "fair and handsome" and finally to turn her down. I turn around to see my 8yr old niece all dressed up and shouting back me "I look fairer than you". Very recently one of my friends had a baby boy..and when she sends the pictures, I see emails back to her saying how fair the baby was and in turn how good he looked. Man!!! why are looks when coupled with lighter skin tone labeled good looking.

Personally, I do think I did pretty good academically and socially in my high school and college, but the huge irony is today people recall me connected to the prettiest Ahem!! the girl with the lightest skin color in class, it is indeed a matter of great discomfort when someone messages you and says "Oh you were in HER batch". I can understand why looks stand out as a very important factor in peoples lives. I have seen people be in positions where they couldn't have otherwise just because of their looks after all its just human psychology. Personally I am guilty of this too, my mother keeps yelling at me from time to time.. "Move out of Florida for heavens sake, you look like you are from AFRICA". On my recent trip to India, my neighbor walks up to me and is like "Enti ela padaipoyyavu" (Literal translation English it means.. "How come you are so messed up". Before my brain let thoughts that were churning in my head turned to words my mother stumbled out to say.. "Oh they went to a desert for vacation, can you imagine how hot it gets back there" Phew!!! thanks mom.

Its funny when it stops here. The arranged marriage system in India which according to me is some where in between a bane and a boon. I have seen friends depressed about that whole thing. Also how they would lose good proposals because of their dark skin. Its so hard for me to digest that something as simple and as natural as your skin color can weigh so much that you spend your entire adult life trying to carry it.

Married Bachelorette

How does it feel when you suddenly find yourself drowsed with immense amount of spare time ready to squander. Feels like I went back about two years in time. I am sorry baby I do miss you but I am enjoying the company of this secret slacker inside me. My daily chores haven't changed, my office work still remains the same, still I could afford the luxury of settling down on the video chair and enjoying a movie for a straight 3 hours and to quote "watching TV" .. something that I never look forward to. My flower beds are in the best shape, my work outs have lengthened, well, simply I feel great...

I wake up my usual time still find myself at work 30 mins prior to the usual time... from where is all the free time pouring in, honestly I am baffled. Does marriage really steals time away from you, does being in commitment that time expensive? I call my friends more often than in the past few months, chat with friends all through day, its great I feel it. In other words feels awesome to be single again.

Glorification of a Sport

I have always wondered why has cricket become religion in India. I was a cricket fanatic just like millions of other indians like me. But what extent do we take a sport to. Recent incidents of how the Hockey players were shunned by the media is so shameful to an extent that it become ridicule. The players had to go on a hunger just to get the recognition that they very much deserved.

http://sports.indiatimes.com/articleshow/2404611.cms

India Calling

With my "short story" half way down and my recent India trip beginning to become a much treasured memory, I miss my homeland more than ever.

During my past visits to India, Hyderabad airport seemed to me more beaten up one of the most ghetto areas we see in the US. Somehow, this time that feeling never surfaced, may be because it was 3 o'clock in the morning or may be because ours was the only flight coming into the airport that time. My home city Hyderabad was actually built to handle about 6-7 flights a day but now takes in more than 40 flights a day, Thanks to the increasing numbers of Hyderabadis migrating overseas. This much similar to the city which now is firing its way to be the software capital of the country, and providing shelter to many a software engineer in the nation. I knew this visit had to be something different but an idealogy metamorphism was unknown to me. Once in the line to the customs officer, I chatted with few ladies from Detroit, who were visiting a friend in the city. After few minutes of chat, I was faced with a question which never seemed to be that difficult before, she asked
"What do you miss the most in India other than your parents". I was dumbstruck for a while: what was wrong with me , I didn't have answer when someone asks me what I missed in my homeland. Sensing my discomfort she helped me with an answer that came in the form of a question.. "Has it been really long?". I nodded my head, five years in a land far far away did seem long enough at that moment.

Once near the baggage claim area, I saw people musing over the way no one was unsure which belt the bags from our flight were coming, "welcome home" I heard someone say. Somehow I was at much ease than ever before, neither was I ashamed at the lack of facilities nor was I amused when I saw an attendant stand on a pedestal and announce that our bags were coming on belt 2. I felt bad for the people around me who suddenly felt that there were in a never land.

Collected my bags and barged out to meet my parents and niece, my little niece was awake all night just to receive me in the airport, my mother; person whom I look up to , someone who was and is my idol all way through, and my dad; who sacrificed a lot in his personal life just to give us a better life. I hugged my mom who burst into tears, kept saying "I missed you". I wanted to tell her how much I missed her all of a sudden I felt short of words. Once home I sat with her till 8am in the morning talking gibberish, silly and unimportant things, I hoped she realised how much I missed her.

My stay in my home was like dream that I always wanted to realise. My niece and I had a wonderful time, I took her around to the most of the places that I used to take her when I was living in India. My eight year old niece has always been the apple of my eye. I missed her the most when I came to this country, I remember crying when she refused to talk to me as she was upset about me leaving India at that time. I spent a great deal of time with my parents unusual to my previous visits, as I always remained engrossed with my friends and trying to catch up others. I realized that my parents were no longer the same, they looked lonely and age was indeed catching up with them. My mother made futile attempts at providing me the best food ever, she sensed that I was trying to make myself a good cook, I kept telling her just me your signature fried chicken, that will make my day. Thanks to Lord she made me the best Fish curry on the last day of my vacation, I miss her so much. We went out shopping, movies, baked cakes, made Thai noodles it was such a wonderful feeling. My eldest sister and I arranged a small party for their 35th wedding anniversary, I was happy to see my dad and mom really happy. I always wanted them to feel proud of me, they thought that I will be their most successful daughter, I don't know how far have I come in that tangent.

My sister took us out for lunch to a place that excelled in our native place(Rayalaseema a region in Andhra Pradesh, where my parents belonged) food. The fiery taste of the food there had me in tears. The food there was simple but the being in the company of my family was a moment to treasure.

At my port of entry "Detroit" the immigration officer welcomes the US citizens with a broad smile and welcoming them to the New World. Come my turn he scrutinizes my face, checks the documents umpteen times, after countless futile attempts to invalidate my arrival into country he finally lets me in. I ask myself why am I here, when I am so unwanted.

Now, that I am back to life the routine stereotypical lifestyle that most of us in the US of the A lead. Work, work out, eat, party, save money and sleep, and so life goes on in a methodical and orderly way. We have few friends that we hang out with, talk to or laugh with, still by the end of the day we are back to the lonely lives. Life back home may be haphazard or disoriented, where people bump into each other , motorbike rams directly into your car and you hear your automobile screech, you shout at each other and move on. I know that going back will bring in its wake many problems, I know that my parents and friends will not stay with me forever, I know that there is no value for life, I know that the work culture will engulf one voiding them of family life. All these cons surface as such minuscule factors before a simple fact - happier life. I have known few people here who feel that they don't have enough opportunities just because of their race, they have no where to go because this is where they belong. I still ask myself and still search for an answer for "What I am doing here when I have a Land of my own".

My Wait : A Short story

It was around 6.30am , sun was half risen from his abode. People were already on the roads trying to make their commute to work.On the other side of the city Gautami had hit the snooze button thrice already. It was usual thing for her to set her alarm 30 minutes earlier than her actual wake up time.

Around 7 am, Gautami was staring into the boredom of the day, same old desk, same old boss, usual lunch break and usual way back home. Life was catching up with a stereotypical lifestyle: sedentary and void of any excitement.

Today she had a special sparkle in her eye, it was not a usual day for her; she had been waiting for this day for the past few weeks. She will meet Shekar today.

It was unusually pleasant in Florida, having lived here for over 10 years she was used to the piercing heat and the humid air, it was very pleasant cold breeze that was blowing towards her. It was as jubilant and vibrant as her thoughts that morning. She jogged towards her car and let the fresh air brush against her cheeks, she was bouncing like a bird. Her parents had bought her that car when she had decided to move out after she graduated , I will always keep this car , no matter what she always said to herself.

Time was around 8.45am , she was late to work. People at her work usually came in around 8 am everyday and everyday who comes after that is looked at like a Pariah, she hated to be late but today was not like every other day. She was smiling at life. She has been waiting to get out of this work place, she was waiting for Shekar to commit on a date for the wedding. She would always tell herself just few more months.

Usual day at work people are busy scuffling through the papers, it was the month end and a usual busy day for accounting. As she sat at her desk , she had around 5 voice messages waiting for her. Day was unusually slow and she had work on few more balance sheets. Around 1pm Gautami was biting into her panini sandwich which she hoped to rejuvenate her appetite. Four more hours she said to herself.

To be continued....